How not to get fat this Christmas!

The closer you get to Christmas the more food programmes, recipes and promotions there are. Everywhere I look there are recipes screaming out at you; recipes for super luxury pies made with triple cream and double butter, recipes for before breakfast snacks, whilst you are eating breakfast snacks, in case you get hungry before you eat your enormous Christmas lunch snacks   Every chef in the land has gone into frenzied overdrive to produce the juiciest turkey recipe, with stuffing ingredients I cannot even imagine eating together let alone with a turkey.  Oh.. and then, because you have bought food that will feed, not just your family, but the entire neighbourhood, there are even more recipes for what to do with all the leftovers!   So crazy are the foodie people that they are not just making and eating the food but covering themselves with it.  So last week  we had endless pictures in the press of Nigella Lawson with caramel dripping from her face and neck…presumably for Charles Saatchi to lick it up before he goes back onto his diet of hard boiled eggs.

So here are my 5 tips on how to stay slim over Christmas!

1.  Don’t watch TV, but if you really have to make sure it is something which will make you feel really sick, like a documentary about gastric bypass or bowel surgery.

2. Tear out the last 20 pages of any lifestyle magazine and weekend paper BEFORE you get to them as they are full of food suggestions and recipes.

3. Drink a big glass of wheat grass juice (it tastes like boiled mud) and smear Vaseline just under your nose before you go Christmas food shopping.  

4. Whatever you put in your shopping trolley, put two thirds of it back.

5. Keep the caramel in the jar and do not pour it over yourself…use marmite instead!

Happy Christmas!